Sure, men stress about career choices, too. But for women, relatively new to this world of work, there are some additional layers that may explain why so many of us are, well, undecided.
One of those layers has to do with time. An interactive chart – good for at least 15 minutes of playtime at your desk — from Sunday’s New York Times Business Section shows, graphically, what various groups of Americans are doing at any given time during the day. For example: at 6:00 p.m., 9 percent of women are at work, 16 percent are home doing chores, and 4 percent are taking care of family.
The chart is fun to play with, but what’s really interesting is the data behind it: the “American Time Use Survey” from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. What you find there is that working women still work a second shift after work — which may help explain why “what should I do with my life” can become such a loaded question: we’re welcome in the workforce, but we’re still expected to get it done at home.
For example, on an average day, 20 percent of men did housework — compared with 50 percent of women. As for cooking and cleaning up afterward: 38 percent of men versus 65 percent of women.
Meanwhile, in families with kids under 6, women spent 1.2 hours directly taking care of them — bathing, feeding, etc. Men spent 25 minutes.
Which brings up another layer of angst: many women are in a place where they have young children or have begun to think about starting a family. Suddenly, career choice becomes a matter of careful and excruciating calculation: Women raised to be masters of the universe –but still seeking the flexibility to raise their kids – are pulled in opposite directions: Meaningful career? Meaningful family life? Choices become crucial: how will we find that niche that will allow us to find satisfaction on both ends? What if we don’t? Maybe we came up expecting to achieve the male model of success; now we realize it’s impossible. Or we’re agonized and guilty because, with all this grand, amorphous opportunity, we find we don’t want that model of success anymore.
Or, maybe, the scrutiny. As Shannon pointed out, women in the workplace are often judged in ways that men are not.
Sunday’s New York Times raised this question on its opinion blog: Do Women Make Better Bosses? (Accompanied, of course, by a headshot of Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly. But let’s not go there.) The question was posed in response to an interview with Carol Smith, the senior vice president and chief brand officer for the Elle Group, published last week, in which Smith said she thought women tended to be “better managers, better advisers, mentors and rational thinkers” as opposed to male bosses who “love to hear themselves talk.”
Several smart people chimed in, pro or con, some citing credible research. Well and good. But really, I couldn’t help wondering: Exactly why are we still having this conversation?
I just had my first child at age 36. During the years before this I was diligently working on my career. Which I love, and had been successful at. It is part of who I am.
Enter Baby.
I love my son. I adore taking care of him. I decided that I could work and have a family.
Next: Slap in the face.
My employer of more than 10 years hires a young single man to roll out a project that I had been preparing for over a year.
I was told it was because I was no longer available 24/7.
My world was rocked! I could not believe that it was even happening. I mean aren’t women equal to men now???
Nope – they are not.
Well, maybe if we stay childless.
Question for the above (C.B.): Did you downshift to part-time after becoming a mom, or change to a flex-time work schedule or some such? It seems you have a case for discriminatory practices if not in my opinion, so I’d consider lodging a formal complaint because a company is NOT supposed to change your job duties like that for no other reason than your entry into motherhood. In addition, how could they assume you would “no longer be available 24/7″ if your work schedule is still the same?
Fight back, that’s the only way we can change those attitudes!
That said, there’s a lady who recently quit my son’s daycare, and she worked for a Big 4 Accounting firm in IT and had been given an extended Maternity Leave + Part-time schedule (that was supposed to be temporary) following her return. The employer accomodated her, but now she’s pregnant again (her son is around 19mos, next baby due late Fall) and they tried to force her to go back to Full-Time schedule. She refused and was “laid off” during some recent cuts. She told me she didn’t care because “that job is like, #5 down on my list of most important things”. Hmmm…seems some women do try to work the system and slack off or take advantage of their employers, and I’m sure this often leads to resentment among bosses of women who return to work but aren’t serious about their jobs any longer.
Hi Crystal,
The company I work for announces on the phone system welcoming greeting that we are open from 8:30 – 5:50. But really we are a 24/7 operation. Employees arrive around 9 in the morning and routinely stay at least 12 hours and commonly for two or three days straight to accommodate our clients. That is how I worked right up to the birth of my son.
I now can only work from 8 – 4 due to daycare constraints. Plus my husband is in the military and is currently deployed. So I MUST go and get my son. There is no one else to do it.
I still work full-time and I put in a 40 hour week – but my co-workers do double that. That is where the issues come in.
The other problem is that I work for a very small company and they are not obligated to follow any of the Federal Rules regarding FMLA and the like. And to add insult to injury – there is a Pregnany protection law – but that’s as far as it goes. They were fine when I was pregnant – it’s after the fact that we have issues.
I agree that fighting back would be the best thing to do. But I will tell you why I am not. I am so disgusted with my long-time employers I no longer want to work there. And will be leaving at the end of the year.
I know that gives them exactly what they want. But I can no longer look at them with any respect and I will never be doing what I want to do. So really – what’s the point?
C.B.
[…] 12, 2009 by Barbara Kelley Or, “Why Women?” […]
[…] there’s this: Gen X women are often the onces struggling mightily with work-life issues, figuring out how to […]
[…] in fat. But that’s for another post.) It’s just that many of us are too darn tired. “Why women” indeed. Insert rant here. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Grandpa’s Office […]