Hey there, boys, lookin’ gooood!
Two items that caught my eye on Wednesday made me chuckle at the ways in which tables can turn. The first was a feature on girdles for men. Yep, read that right. But these “Ript Skinz” are not exactly benign man-versions of Spanx, nor are they silly derivatives of Kramer’s “mansierre”. Nope, these babies are skin-tight compression garments that, says Skineez company founder Michelle Moran, are designed to smooth the gut, hug the butt and hide the man-boobs. Right now, the line features thigh-firming bottoms, tight muscle shirts and, soon, socks. (Socks? Pardon me? In the event you feel bad about your toes?) They’re designed to be worn under everything from business suits to gym clothes.
Gym clothes? Laughing, are you? There’s even a bonus feature: long-term wear promotes over-all skin-tightening:
According to Moran, the fabric in Ript Skinz, along with every other type of Skineez Skincarewear, is actually infused with a patented cosmetic skin-care formula that’s supposed to “rejuvenate, moisturize, tighten and tone the skin” as the clothes are being worn.
If this sounds to good to be true, plastic surgery specialist Dr. Drew Ordon from television’s “The Doctors” can vouch for it. He said Skineez gear “constricts the skin, stimulates circulation and smooths out the fat. If you stick with it, it’ll work.”
Ah, yes. Stick with it. Where have we heard that before? But it gets better: The girdles have been tested on NFL and MLB trainers and according to Moran, they’ve been wearing the undergarments to the gym during the off-season “so they can still look as taut and toned as ever.”
“Ript Skinz will improve a man’s posture, give them better shape and enhance their upper body,” she said. “With all that, they’ll gain more confidence. It’s like having a spa wrap under your clothing every day that helps reduce those annoying extra 10 or so pounds that we all gain time and time again,” she explained.
All of which should build brio everywhere from the boardroom to the bedroom, right? Which brings me to the second item, a little press release on Wednesday noting that, while cosmetic surgery procedures — including botox and lipo — among men may or may not be increasing since its peak a couple of years ago, depending on where you get your stats, what is on the rise is men’s acceptance of getting work done. Okay, that’s mildly interesting, but the pay-off was this little graf that suggested that one reason that men want to look their best is… feminism:
A third factor contributing to acceptance of plastic surgery for men is a by-product of third-wave feminism. Part of third-wave feminism is what is described as sex-positivism, where women are encouraged to make vocal judgments about sex and sexuality, including what makes men attractive. Statements of this type may make men more open about appearance-related concerns and what might be done about them.
You know where this is going, but let’s go there anyhow. Imagine, boys. Having your appearance checked out by the opposite sex, at the gym, or even when you walk down the street, telling you to, you know, work it! Some of those opposite sexers might even be judging you based on your, um, abs. Gee whiz. No wonder you guys are headed for the lycra and the botox.
Now, if only we girls could learn how to wolf whistle.